So many things to talk about with this week's episode of The Bachelorette but it's late and I'm tired, so we best be fast, m'kay?
Right off the top, let's talk Britt and Brady. Cute. Totes cute. I wonder if they actually have a better shot together dating away from all the cameras and timelines and flora that make up The Bachelorette? As much as I was never really her biggest fan I think they're every kind of adorable together and hey, since it's all about finding your boo in this life, I hope this is it for the two of them. And if not, well, at least it takes the sting out of the mega rejection she faced a week prior and likely will give his music career a boost. Win win, methinks.
So then the first group date. Okay, can I just wonder aloud here...who the f*(k (I'm trying to swear less) thought this was a good idea? Like really, sitting around the production table coming up with ideas...
Staffer one - "I've got it!! Boxing! We've never done boxing before"
Staffer two - "Wait, whut? Like put them in a ring to actually fight each other?"
Staffer one - "YEAH! We'll train them, obvi, like bring in that gorgeous Ali woman to get 'em whipped into shape. Then we'll pit them against each other, weight or height be damned, and just see what happens!!"
Staffer three, four, five, six - "Love it! Fantastic! Totally! We have to do this!!"
Staffer two - "Are you all insane?"
Bossperson - "Staffer two, if you can't see the brilliance in this then you're fired. Take your shit and leave. Be careful not to slip on the wet driveway on your way out..."
Sigh.
As the men beat the crap out of one another the camera pans to the fans who waffle between horror and delight at the spectacle they're observing. Kaitlyn herself repeatedly states that she doesn't want anyone to get hurt.
Then guess what?
Jared gets hurt. Takes a meaty Ben Z fist to the side of the head in the final bout and that's it, lights out for Jared. He's sent to the hospital for observation and therefore misses out on the rest of the group date.
Can I digress here for a second and talk about Jared? Seems like a nice enough guy and all but I can't shake the feeling that he looks like someone. So I thought about it and thought about it, and the best I can do is say that he looks like what would happen if Tom Cruise and Hugh Jackman had a baby, then that baby grew up to become a vampire.
Anyway, enough about Jared. He makes it back from the hospital for one quick kiss then it's off once more to the house to convalesce. He'll be fine.
What else can we talk about...
Other random musings. As a good Canadian I must say I'm disappointed in Kaitlyn's loss of her native tongue. Ben Z was constantly pronounced Zeeee as opposed to Zed. Made me sad. How quickly things change. A few more of those and it may be time to turn in her passport.
Beefy Clint gets first one on one date which involves getting all sequined up and hopping into the pool for some underwater photography. While many didn't seem to enjoy the end result I have to say that I've seen some incredible pics in this genre and they're quite stunning. And we have a waterproof camera so I know first hand the fun that can be had snappin pics in the pool. Or ocean. The final product here was nifty, too, albeit still a tad strange for folks that don't really know each other. At all.
Then it's time for the second group date where all the lame ass dudes get to spend incredible quality time with the amazing Amy Schumer and her female comedy compatriots (jealous!!!). Most of the dudes were brutal when it came time for their turn at the mic (oh Tony -I'm looking at you, here) but thankfully most of them have day jobs to go back to when this is all over.
Speaking of the unemployed...
Let's talk JJ, shall we? Where this kid's confidence comes from I'll never understand. Nevertheless, he pulled one over on Kaitlyn by talking about his daughter and all that gooey stuff and, sadly, she fell for it and gave him the rose. How she could get past his wicked case of red wine teeth is beyond me. There's a frickin dentist in the house, for pete's sake. Make use of what's there and at least attempt a clean, fresh smile! Ugh.
The rest of the guys weren't too happy that JJ ended up with that rose on the second group date. But if they weren't pleased after the date, they quickly became downright pissed off during the cocktail party when he was the first to steal Kaitlyn away for that valuable pre-rose ceremony time.
What a douchebag move. Really and truly. The other two guys with the roses were civil enough to say that they'd back off during the evening since a) they weren't going anywhere anyway and b) there were still a few guys that hadn't been on any dates and they were likely chomping at the proverbial bit to get to her. But JJ? Nope. Swarms in like a mofo. Even Tony got hot under the collar and started dropping f bombs. When the super chill healer yoga guy gets all flustered and f'bomby you KNOW things just got real.
But the dramz didn't stop there. Oooooh no. We actually don't get to see the rose ceremony at all this episode. Instead, we get to witness Kupah lose his marbles in spectacular, blowout fashion and mess up any shot he might have had to stick around. While at first I was applauding his honesty (asking if she thought there was a genuine connection because she hadn't paid him much attention, wondering aloud if she was keeping him to ensure she had a token minority) by the end of it my applause turned to Kaitlyn as she stood up for herself and ensured that he knew she was more than just a pretty face when he kept saying how hot she was.
That is not a happy face. Pretty? Sure. Happy? Uh, no.
After their little exchange she goes back for more camera interview time and he goes out and starts chirping to the boys about what happened. No, he wasn't saying anything bad about her, just recapping the conversation but man, tone really is everything, dude. And the first rule of talking loudly and getting away with it is to look around and make sure the person you're screaming about isn't in earshot.
#fail
Camel's back now broken, Kaitlyn pulls him aside and tells him he has to leave. He says no. I said woah. She said bye. He kept drinking and chewing his ice, and finally left.
Kinda.
The episode ends with her attempting yet another interview and all you can hear is him grunting and groaning like a bull in the background. Fearful for everyone's safety at this point, Kaitlyn gets all 'oh HELLZ NO!', grabs her dress and makes her way outside. And then...
...we'll find out next week.
Cliffhanging bastards.
Until next week I will simply say that I kinda hope Tony's time has come to an end, I think JJ will dig his own grave, and other than that I haven't developed any favourites just yet.
Except Amy Schumer. She can have my rose any day.
Wait...that's not what I meant...
Right off the top, let's talk Britt and Brady. Cute. Totes cute. I wonder if they actually have a better shot together dating away from all the cameras and timelines and flora that make up The Bachelorette? As much as I was never really her biggest fan I think they're every kind of adorable together and hey, since it's all about finding your boo in this life, I hope this is it for the two of them. And if not, well, at least it takes the sting out of the mega rejection she faced a week prior and likely will give his music career a boost. Win win, methinks.
So then the first group date. Okay, can I just wonder aloud here...who the f*(k (I'm trying to swear less) thought this was a good idea? Like really, sitting around the production table coming up with ideas...
Staffer one - "I've got it!! Boxing! We've never done boxing before"
Staffer two - "Wait, whut? Like put them in a ring to actually fight each other?"
Staffer one - "YEAH! We'll train them, obvi, like bring in that gorgeous Ali woman to get 'em whipped into shape. Then we'll pit them against each other, weight or height be damned, and just see what happens!!"
Staffer three, four, five, six - "Love it! Fantastic! Totally! We have to do this!!"
Staffer two - "Are you all insane?"
Bossperson - "Staffer two, if you can't see the brilliance in this then you're fired. Take your shit and leave. Be careful not to slip on the wet driveway on your way out..."
Sigh.
As the men beat the crap out of one another the camera pans to the fans who waffle between horror and delight at the spectacle they're observing. Kaitlyn herself repeatedly states that she doesn't want anyone to get hurt.
Then guess what?
Jared gets hurt. Takes a meaty Ben Z fist to the side of the head in the final bout and that's it, lights out for Jared. He's sent to the hospital for observation and therefore misses out on the rest of the group date.
Can I digress here for a second and talk about Jared? Seems like a nice enough guy and all but I can't shake the feeling that he looks like someone. So I thought about it and thought about it, and the best I can do is say that he looks like what would happen if Tom Cruise and Hugh Jackman had a baby, then that baby grew up to become a vampire.
RIGHT!?
Anyway, enough about Jared. He makes it back from the hospital for one quick kiss then it's off once more to the house to convalesce. He'll be fine.
What else can we talk about...
Other random musings. As a good Canadian I must say I'm disappointed in Kaitlyn's loss of her native tongue. Ben Z was constantly pronounced Zeeee as opposed to Zed. Made me sad. How quickly things change. A few more of those and it may be time to turn in her passport.
Beefy Clint gets first one on one date which involves getting all sequined up and hopping into the pool for some underwater photography. While many didn't seem to enjoy the end result I have to say that I've seen some incredible pics in this genre and they're quite stunning. And we have a waterproof camera so I know first hand the fun that can be had snappin pics in the pool. Or ocean. The final product here was nifty, too, albeit still a tad strange for folks that don't really know each other. At all.
Then it's time for the second group date where all the lame ass dudes get to spend incredible quality time with the amazing Amy Schumer and her female comedy compatriots (jealous!!!). Most of the dudes were brutal when it came time for their turn at the mic (oh Tony -I'm looking at you, here) but thankfully most of them have day jobs to go back to when this is all over.
Speaking of the unemployed...
Let's talk JJ, shall we? Where this kid's confidence comes from I'll never understand. Nevertheless, he pulled one over on Kaitlyn by talking about his daughter and all that gooey stuff and, sadly, she fell for it and gave him the rose. How she could get past his wicked case of red wine teeth is beyond me. There's a frickin dentist in the house, for pete's sake. Make use of what's there and at least attempt a clean, fresh smile! Ugh.
The rest of the guys weren't too happy that JJ ended up with that rose on the second group date. But if they weren't pleased after the date, they quickly became downright pissed off during the cocktail party when he was the first to steal Kaitlyn away for that valuable pre-rose ceremony time.
What a douchebag move. Really and truly. The other two guys with the roses were civil enough to say that they'd back off during the evening since a) they weren't going anywhere anyway and b) there were still a few guys that hadn't been on any dates and they were likely chomping at the proverbial bit to get to her. But JJ? Nope. Swarms in like a mofo. Even Tony got hot under the collar and started dropping f bombs. When the super chill healer yoga guy gets all flustered and f'bomby you KNOW things just got real.
But the dramz didn't stop there. Oooooh no. We actually don't get to see the rose ceremony at all this episode. Instead, we get to witness Kupah lose his marbles in spectacular, blowout fashion and mess up any shot he might have had to stick around. While at first I was applauding his honesty (asking if she thought there was a genuine connection because she hadn't paid him much attention, wondering aloud if she was keeping him to ensure she had a token minority) by the end of it my applause turned to Kaitlyn as she stood up for herself and ensured that he knew she was more than just a pretty face when he kept saying how hot she was.
That is not a happy face. Pretty? Sure. Happy? Uh, no.
After their little exchange she goes back for more camera interview time and he goes out and starts chirping to the boys about what happened. No, he wasn't saying anything bad about her, just recapping the conversation but man, tone really is everything, dude. And the first rule of talking loudly and getting away with it is to look around and make sure the person you're screaming about isn't in earshot.
#fail
Camel's back now broken, Kaitlyn pulls him aside and tells him he has to leave. He says no. I said woah. She said bye. He kept drinking and chewing his ice, and finally left.
Kinda.
The episode ends with her attempting yet another interview and all you can hear is him grunting and groaning like a bull in the background. Fearful for everyone's safety at this point, Kaitlyn gets all 'oh HELLZ NO!', grabs her dress and makes her way outside. And then...
...we'll find out next week.
Cliffhanging bastards.
Until next week I will simply say that I kinda hope Tony's time has come to an end, I think JJ will dig his own grave, and other than that I haven't developed any favourites just yet.
Except Amy Schumer. She can have my rose any day.
Wait...that's not what I meant...
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